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One of my stepsons came home the other day from school and said, “Lis, we’re doing a Fractured Fairy Tale at school, do you want to come and see it?”

A what? 

“A Fractured Fairy Tale”, he said, “is loosely based on the Fairy Tale but there is a lot of humor, some new characters, different perspectives and there are unexpected surprises.” He said they are calling it, “Cinderella Outgrows Her Glass Slipper.” I couldn’t wait to see it!

I wrongly assumed that this grade four class had made up the term “Fractured Fairy Tale.”  It turns out, there are books and scripts galore out there, they are part of the school curriculum now and the best thing is children are encouraged to write their own.

My husband and I settled into our (very little) seats as three full classes came pouring into my stepson’s classroom and sat at our feet. Everyone was full of anticipation to see the play.

The basic play was the same, but Cinderella life’s dream was to become a Veterinarian, not to marry the Prince, despite the intentions of the Magic Fairies and the Prince himself. There also seemed to be some foreshadowing for her to become a major Shoe Mogul if she chose that path. (a story line I was quite interested in).

I loved Cinderella. She was in charge of her destiny. She didn’t mind the grunt work she had to do for her evil step sisters because she had a dream. In her spare time she made shoes to make money to pursue her passion of becoming a Veterinarian. Turns out she had lots of talent and ambition.

I couldn’t help but thinking, isn’t this just the most modern, exciting creative, realistic way of going into life?  Write your own script for your life, pursue your dreams even if others have different plans for you, work hard, be resourceful, be grateful and be determined. Don’t let go of your dream. Cinderella knew that the expectation of the Fairy Godmothers was for her was to marry the Prince. And the expectation of her step sisters was for her to dote on them for the rest of time. But Cinderella was focused on what she knew to be true for herself.

I love this because there are so many expectations for kids and for women in general. I believe there is still the expectation that women will get married and have kids and if she doesn’t in reasonable time, there is something wrong with her. Well, by the time Cinderella gets married, if she does, she will be very successful, and who knows the Prince may have left his first wife and have a couple of kids in tow and may now look appealing to Cinderella.

Life is indeed very fractured most of the time. Rarely is it whole, and tidy and predictable. But it is up to us to be whole as an individual, to know ourselves, to know our dreams and to pursue them, even if they don’t fit into what society or other people expect of us. It isn’t to say that pursuing our dreams will be easy and without obstacles, but there is so much satisfaction and joy in a life when you know you are true to yourself.

I was grateful, there was no evil step mother in the script, and the evil step sisters were actually quite adorable albeit spoilt.

I was extremely proud of Jacob’s teacher for choosing this play with such a strong message. I applaud her!

Afterwards, the kids took questions from the audience and one mom behind me asked, “Does Cinderella ever marry, or does she just become a career woman?” The kids were stumped and the question was met with several seconds of silence. “Uh, she may marry in the future, but right now she is focusing on her career,” said one child, at which point I wanted to jump out of my seat and clap and yell, “Bravo!! Bravo!!” The kids got the message. Too bad for the mom behind me…

To say that “things always get better as a stepmom” is a sweeping generalization. But if you hang in there for long enough the generalization proves true. It is a reverse relationship when you are dating or marrying a man with kids. At first, it is hell, confusing, frustrating and a huge adjustment. But as time goes on, and everyone settles down, things become dare I say, “normal”. Well, maybe not normal, but as close as we are going to come as stepmoms. 

I can look at my relationship with my husband, his kids, his ex, and my self, and with each person, it started rocky and scary and after six years, a calm has set in.

With my husband for example, we used to fight a lot. I was scared, my ego was freaking out, and we were both thrown into (by our own choice) a situation we had no experience with. As for the kids, they used to be small aliens to me. I did not want to touch them or interact with them, not knowing what they might do. And adjusting to having my man’s ex in my life every day was enough to send me crawling to the cookie jar on a regular basis. As for myself, I now have a renewed sense of trust and strength in myself that I did not have before and did not know I possessed.

Granted, things didn’t start to get significantly better until five years in, and I’ve heard the experts say, things really calm down after seven years, but it is worth the wait if you can be open to what is in store. A lot of cookies, chocolate and wine are consumed in those five years so make sure you find  an exercise program and strap in!

I always had a sense of hope that things would get better but there have been a lot of significant events that I never could have dreamed.

For example, I never would have expected that the boys, now ten, would insist on snuggles by me at bedtime. Nor would I have expected them to tell me they love me. 

If you told me that I would look forward to my “bench time” at the hockey rink or the soccer field with my husband’s ex, I would have laughed at you five years ago.

And if you said you will laugh yourself silly with him and he’ll be your best friend, about my husband, I never would have believed that either. (There is not a lot of laughing in those early years).

Nor would I have believed that I could have found the strength to be open to learning and growing in this situation. But I did that too.

It takes trust, and a serious commitment to letting go. If you can let go of what you think you want, and what you think you know, and are open to what might be, and what is, it is guaranteed to  get better. Imagine knowing that life gets better and better and better. More love, more laughter, more joy, more depth of understanding, more compassion, more connection.

If you trust that things will get better if you hang in there, they will. Simply hanging in, is sometimes all you have to do. And some days, it is all you can do.

Let me know if this has been your experience too.