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I didn’t see this coming. When I took on this 40 Day Challenge (thanks again Peggy from http://thestepmomstoolbox.com), I thought I would see how often I take things personally, how hard these guys are on me,  and how mean they are to me. I thought I would feel more justified about complaining and feeling sorry for myself.

Then, as referenced in my last blog, I had a big Ah Ha moment where I realized that all this negative interpretation is based on not loving myself and feeling like I didn’t deserve to be loved. I found that phase of the process rather overwhelming and discouraging. I had a long way to go, I thought.

But I continued on my daily journey and popped out of the chute in a brand new phase. And I like this one.

I am quite surprised to have emerged after 28 days feeling very non-victimey (I know that isn’t a word yet). In fact, I feel stronger, more confident and I have more energy.

What I realized I was doing was every time someone said something that hurt my feelings I immediately owned it. I wore their words like a big grey heavy cloak. For a girl that should never wear grey, this fashion statement did nothing for me. I assumed, after many years of training, that if they say something bad about me, it must be true. And if it’s true, wow, what a loser I am; no one loves me, I am unlovable and heck, I should just live alone in an igloo in Alaska and spare the world from my eternal badness.

A little overly dramatic, yes, but the point is that it is somewhat ridiculous and self centered I may add (thank you Don Miguel Ruiz) to take everything people say to me or about me as the truth about me, or even about me at all. Frankly for the amount that I was taking personally I should have been pasted to the floor in a heap of self induced depression. It is shocking I have still managed to be a functioning human being while wearing that grey cloak everywhere I went.

So when I got it, that it isn’t about me, it is about them, that gave me a great deal of freedom. Knowing that I’m not those things that they said or I interpreted them saying, means that I get to be someone else. Someone who perhaps wears a tailored hot pink coat that ties at the waist. Maybe with a matching bag and shoes. Why not? Choosing the hot pink over the grey makes  me feel stronger and more confident. I feel centered in the face of other people’s pain, yet somehow more compassionate. I feel lighter.

Also, from a time management perspective the shift enhances efficiencies. I all of a sudden have more time on my hands because I’m not dwelling on negative self beliefs. I have more energy for the good stuff like laughing and joking and tickling the twins.

I’m sure like anything else along the self mastery lines, not taking things personally is a life lesson and needs to be constantly reinforced and practiced just like positive thinking.  It is like a muscle that needs to be worked on a daily basis that eventually gets stronger and stronger.

I still have 12 days left in this process, and I can’t wait to see what comes next.

March 20th, 2010 | The Spiritual Component | 1 Comment »