40 Day Challenge: A Better Relationship
I took my husband out for his birthday dinner last night to a high end trendy Indian restaurant. We drank a bottle of wine, laughed, told stories about our lives and gushed about how much we love each other.
I’m not saying this was a first, but it was close.
Not the going for nice dinners together, we have always enjoyed good food and wine and a great atmosphere. What was unusual is that we didn’t fight. No one shut down, sulked, or stormed out. We actually had a great time.
We have a very loving relationship but without fail whenever we went out for a nice dinner, it ended badly. It seemed the more expensive the restaurant, the bigger the fight. And we could never figure out why.
So what was different?
We were standing at the bar having a glass of wine waiting for a table and my husband who was being relaxed and conversational, said to me, “you know, you have really grown”.
“What?” I said, slightly taken aback.
“That Don’t Take it Personally thing that you are doing is really making a difference in our relationship” he says.
He went on to say “we’ve been out for a few nice dinners and we haven’t fought. I think it is because of you”.
I thought about it for a minute and he was dead on. Not that I’m big enough to take all the responsibility for our penchant for public drama but I realized that when I choose to not take things personally I am more in control of my emotions and I can control how I react. It is empowering. I can choose indigestion, or I can choose to enjoy a glass of Malbec and samosas with my husband.
The choice seems easy now. He gently pointed out that I had been misinterpreting, or at least negatively interpreting his intentions, and with that little party crasher gone, we are free to have a fun night out and enjoy each other’s company.
This little skill I’ve learned after 35 days of practicing “the 40 day challenge” to not take things personally that Peggy put out there from http://thestepmomstoolbox.com has literally transformed not only my dinners out, but my relationship with my husband.
I hadn’t really thought about it, but we fight less all around. There is less drama in our lives. Okay, I am less dramatic, I’ll admit. When we do fight, I am able to see that I am taking something personally, and in that moment, I can shift.
Whahoo!, I have the power to shift where the conversation goes. I have the power to say, this is my stuff, or that is your stuff and react accordingly and calmly. What happens when I do this is it opens up a world of possibility of how we can be together. Without the constant conflict, we have a more relaxed relationship, easier, lighter, more fun.
I hadn’t realized how my negative interpretations had been affecting my husband and our relationship. I had only been thinking how hurt I am. I had only been thinking about my self.
I hadn’t anticipated how much easier not taking it personally would make my life and how much more loving it would make my marriage. What a great lesson indeed.
Tags: a better relationship, don't take it personally, forty day challenge, http://thestepmomstoolbox.com
Hooray! Hooray! Hooray! Yay! Go YOU! See what happens when we take our ego out of the equation? And your new found awareness allows you to take a breath in the heat of the moment and recognize that if you are taking it personally you can make a course correction. I am so glad that your husband has noticed the difference in you!
May you enjoy many more glasses of Malbec and mimosas!
Thank you so much Peggy…nice to make steps in the right direction that have a direct impact on important aspects of my life like my marriage! This exercise has transformed the way I look at things and I am very grateful!
You GO girl! Although my husband and I rarely fight, I recognize my own similarities in your experience of sometimes taking things personally when that is not their intention. No one likes to have anything (even slightly) negative said to them or about them but Peggy’s right, removing the ego is such a key part of it. Having the ability to step out at any moment, observe what’s happening and then shift it in a more positive direction is indeed one of life’s greatest lessons. Thanks for the reminder…
Thanks for reading and commenting SMILF. Wouldn’t it be great if we could always step aside, look, listen and observe that it is not about us? Sometimes it might be their intention to make it about us, which is when we have to be Ninja Warriors about this…as soon as I can flip the switch and say, this isn’t about me, it is freeing. A good one to keep top of mind!